Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
