yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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