it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so let's talk penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
