He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
