sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
