Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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