i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize