Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
