So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
