I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
