Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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