She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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