He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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