I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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