I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
