Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
