He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
