I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just gift wrapped bread.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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