I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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