Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
