I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
