hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
