I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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