turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
