I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
