Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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