I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
