Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
