Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
