She's JV to your varsity
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
