Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
