whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
