Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
