I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
