Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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