he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
