I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
