So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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