He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
