Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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