Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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