I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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