Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
