I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Welp...herpes.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
