i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
