My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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