On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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