you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
