You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
