Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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