does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
