Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
