Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
