So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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