So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
