dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
