you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
