another moral hangover. fuck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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