I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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