your parents love me but you hate me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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