hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she pinky promised me she was 18
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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