I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
