i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize