why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
