I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
