Cold hands, warm shart.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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