I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
