I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
