A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
