therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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