i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
