I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
