don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
